I've been practicing shared dreaming for 8 months. At first it was just interesting hobby, like learning meditation. But it's become more and more important to me. I think about it constantly. I spend hours on this subreddit. I'm journaling multiple times a day.
My partner says I'm obsessed. That I talk about "dream bandwidth" and "Ethel" more than I talk about our actual life. That I'm staying up late reading old Somniaforum archives instead of coming to bed with them.
They said last night: "This is either real and it's taking you away from me, or it's not real and you're developing a delusion. Either way I'm losing you."
I don't know what to say to them because... they might be right? I can lucid dream reliably now. I've had a few experiences that I think were shared dreams with people from here. I've touched something real.
But I also haven't been fully present in my regular life. I'm thinking about dream realms while at work. I'm mentally checking out of conversations to journal a dream detail I just remembered.
How do you balance this? How do you practice seriously without it consuming everything? Or do you just accept that it will consume everything and that's the price?
[MOD] This is exactly why we have "maintain your physical life" as a core safety principle.
Your partner is giving you a gift by being honest about what they're observing. Listen to them.
Some practical boundaries that might help:
You can have both. But you have to choose to have both.
Your partner is right and you need to listen to them.
I watched my friends lose themselves to this. Not because shared dreaming isn't real - it is real - but because they lost all perspective and made it their entire identity.
Here's the hard truth: You can explore dream realms AND maintain your physical life, relationships, health, and responsibilities. If you can't do both, you're doing it wrong.
The work is not supposed to destroy your life. If it is, you need to step back and recalibrate.
Take a week off. Don't visit realms, don't read the subreddit, don't journal. Reconnect with your partner and your actual life. Then come back to the practice with boundaries.
If you can't take a week off, that's your answer right there - you're not exploring anymore, you're addicted.
"If you can't take a week off, that's your answer right there."
Fuck. That hit hard.
I don't want to take a week off. The thought of missing a week of practice makes me anxious. Which means you're right.
Thank you for the hard truth.